“We’re sorry for the delay, however we’re experiencing greater than standard name volumes,” the robotic voice mentioned to me down the road.
I checked out my look ahead to the umpteenth time that hour, considering of the numerous extra vital issues I must be doing, and questioning each side of recent life and my very existence inside it.
Has there ever, in the midst of human historical past, been an even bigger lie than the one instructed in these 14 phrases?
See additionally: Water firm schemes to contemplate on your farming enterprise
I suppose there have been the tobacco firms that claimed for many years smoking was good for you, and extra just lately we had the Brexit gang and their large purple bus.
But when we put apart these few very apparent exceptions, I believe it conclusively takes the prize.
The factor is, I’m usually fairly mild-mannered.
It takes loads to make me indignant, but when there’s one factor that’s going to show me from Bruce Banner into the Unimaginable Hulk, it’s being on maintain to a utility firm and listening to that blatant falsehood.
I’d truthfully favor it if they simply instructed the reality:
“We’re not sorry for the delay in any respect. We’re not going to pay extra employees to take your calls, we’re going to cost you ever extra on your water, we’re going to maintain on dumping sewage within the rivers and oceans, and for those who don’t prefer it you possibly can kiss our arses. Bwahahaha”.
Maintain the road
Let me rewind to the start of our story of woe. I’d seen that the water stress in the home wasn’t significantly nice.
Nothing new there, nevertheless it had bought steadily worse to the purpose that members of the family have been whingeing, and I couldn’t put it off any longer – I’d need to make a name.
After going by roughly 12 totally different choices earlier than being placed on maintain for 50 minutes, I gave up and as a substitute tried their textual content message service, which promised a “speedy response”.
I meticulously typed out the message detailing the issue, together with the truth that the water troughs on the farm have been filling slowly, and it was turning into an “animal welfare challenge”.
This could absolutely provoke a response, and I figured that in a matter of minutes Swat groups of crack water engineers would come screeching into the yard. Maybe there’d even be a helicopter too.
Sadly not. However I did get a telephone name from a pleasant man who promised he’d ship somebody out to analyze, in order that was progress a minimum of.
The burst of instances
The subsequent day, a van pulled up and the driving force knowledgeable me they have been closing our lane so they might mend a burst pipe.
“Tremendous mate, no drawback, and thanks for coming so shortly,” I replied. He appeared barely quizzically at me earlier than giving a thumbs up and heading off up the street.
To provide them their due, the crew labored by the evening. By the following morning the leak was fastened and our stress was again to regular. They’d come again to fill within the gap after the weekend, they mentioned.
Grand, I believed. All sorted.
Then on Monday, after they got here again to complete the job as promised, the digger driver caught the pipe and made it worse than it was to begin with.
“Don’t fear, we’ll be again once more tomorrow to repair it,” they mentioned, as water cascaded down the lane.
As I walked wearily away, my telephone rang. “Whats up Mr Evans, you reported a water leak to us final week and I’ve been requested to look into it,” a cheery voice mentioned.
I received’t inform you how I replied.